Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
