exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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