you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
