i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
