Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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