Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
