im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize