He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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