you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
