Can i not drive my cunt home
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
