I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
