I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My feet surprised me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
