arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
