Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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