Moan for me like Helen Keller
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize