Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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