I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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