Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
