Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
