if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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