xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
