Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
