lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
