I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
