ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize