just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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