So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize