Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
