You really coming over, don't trick.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
