Don't you send me to vm
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
