My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
