id be glad to
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
