He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're like the curious george of whores
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize