I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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