I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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