So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
