guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
