can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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