Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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