what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sarcasm needs its own font
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
