She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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