Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
