if i can run in heels then i can drive
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
