No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
