4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
