why didn't you poke me back
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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