Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
