How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
