Welp...herpes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
