I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
