i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
