He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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