We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
