This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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