Dual....:-)
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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