i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
