there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
