Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
